Saturday, December 31, 2005

Goodbye 2005. Hello 2006.

In a couple of hours, we will bid farewell to good old 2005. It was a fast year, it was so fast that I could still remember the taste of the dreadful breakfast I had during last year New Year's Eve. Throughout the year, many had perished for the name of race, ethnic and religion, like many years ago and many more years to come unfortunately.

We, the Vendettas - will still be doning our masks - would like to wish everyone a very happy New Year. We would not want to wish everyone a world peace, because that is so faux pas. It is so Ms. Universe or Ms. World, which every beauty pageant for the lack of good word use everytime they are asked the dreadful question.

We, instead would want to wish for more toleration and moderation. We believe this is the two key elements which are lacking in our counterpart of Earth. It is lacking in everyone, including yours truly and the whole Aiya crew, er I mean the Vendettas.

Let's not even go far ahead and think of the future. Let's stick with what is there now. The moderation and toleration is already lacking in the last few Khutbah of the prayers in the mosque.

Word out on the street was they were preaching against the celebration of New Year. They were preaching that they should not celebrate the Masihi calendar, instead they should stick to the Hijrah calendar. I am not saying this is wrong, but where is the toleration in this. People have been celebrating New Year's Eve for years, in big or small scale. They were condemning fellow Muslims who organizes private parties during New Year's eve by comparing them to the Satan.

It is quite sad to see when the new year has not even begin and toleration is still not in our mindset.

But we would like to be optimistic and still hope for a better new year. We welcome you 2006 with a loud pop of champagne and biskut Mary. You have a choice to drink or not. Remember that.

Friday, December 30, 2005

Sweet Revenge Of The Housewife Muffs

I usually am not affected by most people's opinions, whether its about me or on other issues in general. However, after reading the entry by Otto, a comparison / observation note between the pornstar and the housewife muffs, a warning alarm rang instantaneously and I could not help but to dash into the bathroom, dig out my waxing gel and do the painful ritual of mowing the lawn.

After an hour of agony, I step out of the bathroom all sweaty and sore but feeling super sexy like never before (as though I have just won the crown for Miss Planet Mars and am now standing in front of millions of audiences who are watching me and admiring me). In the midst of daydreaming I feel a blotch of wetness in between my thighs and out of desperation, I reached out for the....

Please pardon me for I digress.

After reading the post by Otto and having the first-hand experience of being almost guilty of turning from a pornstar to a housewife muff myself, I have to say that Otto has not dutifully given enough credits to the housewife muffs.

No doubt, quoting Otto, housewife muff is stereotypically a she who "does not take care of her physical self, fails to dress appropriately, is guilty of losing her initial pornstar self and becomes a housewife muff when she is involved in a relationship", she is not necessarily a someone who "fails to understand her body". In fact, in my first-hand yet humble opinion, a housewife muff is a she who best understands her physical urges and is able to satisfy those hunger at any given time and situation, with the most economical, convenient and practical manner, with or without her man.

To think about it this way, who else, but a housewife muff, has the full knowledge of where all the candles and ropes are kept in exactly which drawers in the kitchen?

Who else, but a housewife muff, knows exactly when the whipped cream is expiring and will use it before it goes bad?

Who else, but a housewife muff, knows the differences between the shapes & sizes of a cucumber and a carrot, and the various results / effects that will derive from using them?

Who else, but a housewife muff, knows which part of the tiger to cook with which combination of herbs to feed it to her man so that he can regain his energy and stay at peak all the time?

Yes indeed, a housewife muff does spend a lot of time "cleaning the house in slippers, shorts and T-shirts", but that does not mean she has become a less "fun and interesting person", "unlikely to have any relationship with anyone other than her man, is often insecure and desperate", and cultivates a hobby in "nagging and complaining", because believe it or not, more than often she is getting very creative and experimental with her household tools.

What I am trying to point out here is that, yes indeed a pornstar is definitely and will always be the dream of all men. However, it is not difficult for a housewife muff to transform herself and learn the tricks of a pornstar, but for a pornstar to go through the whole ordeal of being a housewife muff and learn her tricks....??

Feel free to ponder or rebuke on what I have just said, but please excuse my absence as this pornstar-almost-turning-housewife-muff self is going to grab that stick of insect repellent and the bottle of minyak angin to have some quiet yet exhilarating fun in the storeroom now.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Sweet Revenge With A Toast To The Elderly

Lady V enjoys dining in a vegetarian restaurant located downtown. Despite its dilapidated outlook, the restaurant serves very tasty and authentic vegetarian dishes at very reasonable prices. The flickering lights, cracking walls and malfunctioning KDK fans only add to the authenticity of the place rather than driving its loyalists away. Even the servers in the restaurants belong to the last generation, with an average age of 60, minimum.

Lady V can understand if the restaurant owner rides on the passage of time and tide to whet the appetite of its patrons but she doubts that being old is a valid enough reason to justify a person to be rude.

Lady V: Auntie, can I have a packet of Loh-Mee to be packed away please?

Server: Ok.

(15 mins later, server brought a packet of Loh-Mee to Lady V)

Lady V: Auntie, sorry about this, but can I have the gravy and the noodles packed separately?

Server: Cannot do that.

Lady V: I'm sure you can, because it will be another hour before I am eating the Loh-Mee.

Server: Too bad, you just have to eat it faster. We never pack the gravy separately.

Lady V: Auntie, but I have been here many times before and you always packed it separately for me. So why can't you do it this time?

Server: (raising her voice in annoyance) We NEVER do that.

Lady V: (obviously offended by the defensiveness and raised her left eye-brow) Oh, I see...unless I have mistaken your vegetarian shop for another shop, but I do believe you are the only vegetarian restaurant within this precint, no?

Server: Yes, we are the ONE and ONLY.

Lady V: (smirk) In that case, I am not mistaken. (taking a step forward and glared coldly into the eyes of the server) So you ARE able to do so.

Server: (Intimidated and started to shiver)You say whatever you like lor....(raised her voice up another notch, as though trying to gain the attention/support of other people present) if you think whatever you say is true.

Lady V: (Smiled coldly) Auntie, you don't have to talk so rudely and sarcastically like that. I am merely clarifying a doubt. But don't you worry, you won't have to entertain anymore questions like that this. We won't be patronising your restaurant anymore. (Gave the server one last look, put her bill on the counter and left the restaurant with grace)

Server: Ok lor....

Lady V always has respect for the nature and the livings around her. She believes that in order to upkeep her sophisticated image, she will not smoke while walking and refuses to curse at other outrageous drivers on the road. As much as she believes in her beliefs, she can never contain her rage when it comes to rudeness, not even if the culprit is an old lady in her seventies.

Miracle Vs Marketing Maestro

The other day I was having small little drinks with a couple of friends. This friend of mine and his girlfriend happens to be music performers. They tour around town and also South East Asia performing jazz and at times blues. Although they are not some big shot, they are happy doing just that.

Upon chatting, he was telling us some story during one of the concert which were at KLCC, and the infamous Mawi came on top of the story. Though this may seem to be towards the line of jealousy to his die hard fans, but I can assure you that it is not.

The word is most of the old time performers and big shots from our music industry is having a hard time understanding what is the fuss about this new sensation. Better yet let me just rephrase that, this old timers rockers are not only failed to understand what the fuss is about, but were also hurt by the sudden booming popularity and the amount of fans that they don't even have for singing for about more than a decade. The worst thing is we all know Mawi is not a great singer and he sings mostly cover songs.

The fact that the old and better singer has only about 50 people and Mawi having about thousands of fans appearing just during rehearsal. Yes you heard me right, just the rehearsal, not the actual show yet.

Although I do not blame Mawi, he has the majority of Malaysians under his wings. The Felda boy who 'mengaji' and stay true to his faith comparing to tight jeans wearing, flimsy hair and drugs inducing singers. He can even croak at the mic and yet it will sound beautiful to the majority's ears.

Another word out on the street is the producers would not be coming out with another Akademi Fantasia that soon, because they want to sustain Mawi's popularity and milk him dry.

The people inside our music industry, nonetheless are indeed pissed.

p/s : I do not really care about all this, but I fear the people would like to know. Since tabloid and newspapers would not be showing all this.

Friday, December 23, 2005

Happy Christmas


And so this is Christmas, for weak and for strong,
For rich and for poor ones, the war is so wrong.
And so happy Christmas, for black and for white,
For yellow and red ones, let's stop all the fight.

Happy Christmas To Yall

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Narcissistic Injury Inflicted

We detest individuals possessing nothing but all traits of narcissism. To those who love or full of admiration of oneself excessively, we feel sad for you. We also forgive your unmet childhood dreams, fragile sense of self, constantly seeking compliments, impaired cognition together with your unimpressive knowledge and indecisiveness.

However, no matter how much you will like us to understand or accept your personality disorder by telling us 100 things about yours, yourself and you, a disorder is still a disorder.

You are boring us with your "specialness" and "uniqueness".

Now, we will like to put all of you narcissistic freaks in a solitary island. Without any form of tele-communication (not that you need it anyway) nor transport.

Oh yea, before we forget, tsunami will hit your sacred island in exactly 1 hour.

Have a nice sunny day hour!

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Reply To Kamigoroshi : Entertaining Personal Blog

Kamigoroshi's original post and comments here.

I must comment that it was a good attempt on sarcasm there. Child, let me break this term "entertaining personal blog" down to make it easier for your better understanding.

There is a fine line between the term "entertaining" as opposed to "serious". Hence, like what you have said in an attempt to be politically/blog correct and to save your ass from more bombarding from vigilant and faithful followers of the blogsphere, it is a very subjective point of view - what's 'entertaining' for one might be 'serious' for others. So may I be safe to say that whether a reader finds an object/topic to be ‘entertaining’ or ‘serious’, it depends entirely on the intellectual capacity of the reader.

Generally speaking, “personal” refers to being ‘individual’ and ‘private’ to one’s feelings, words, and point of view. It is close to the heart with a personal touch and it derives mainly from the writer’s individual perspective on a certain subject (of course, we cannot rule out the fact that certain external factors such as social and moral constraints could also be an influence).

However, we know for sure that what is considered 'personal' need not go under the scrutiny of an authority to make it suitable for everyone. Of course, you may also argue that this paradigm is shifting, considering several court cases that happened to bloggers both nationally and internationally, such as the recent mishap that happened to SixthSeal, but based on the argument in this post in relation to Mack’s and TV Smith’s blogs, it is still valid.

'Blog' of course is a post-modern term that suggests the notion of an online journal or webpage of similar genre as compared to other online platforms such as a forum. Hence, I strongly stand on my words that Mack’s and TV Smith's blogs are truly 'entertaining personal blogs', simply because theirs is a BLOG, not a magazine or forum, its THEIR blog, whereby they are their own editors and not anyone else, ALSO it is ENTERTAINING for people who have high intellectual capacity.

So now, after all these effort in an attempt to demonstrate (or map) the trails of thought of a highly intellectual individual, I would like to hope that you have come out of it enlightened. I hate to see one comment on another person being ignorant due to his/her ignorance.

Oh and just out of curiosity, may I ask how did you find the other blogs that are of a different genre, of which I have also provided the links? Are they not entertaining enough for you as well?

Lady Venom

Monday, December 19, 2005

Sweet Revenge With Tears

Someone should have forewarned me to expect scenes so sweet and delicate until they were heart wrenching in the movie King Kong.

If someone has done so, then perhaps that pug-face guy seated beside me would not have been slapped by me for insisting to save the packet of tissue for his girlfriend instead of giving it to me.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Does It Matter?

I do not know about what others think but can somebody tell the ministers that saying that the girl nude squating in the video clip is a local Malay doesn't help at all.

Well, all right. Maybe you don't have big motherland China poking on your already fucked ass for now. Wait, now I get it. They prefer to be fuck less compared to the whole population of China anxious to put their penis into our asses.

But the question is does it really matters? Foreign or local. Thank God the video clip was just about nude squatting because there are more painful things they could do behind closed doors. They practically think they are God in their police stations. The worst thing is like what's the conclusion of the movie P.T.U by Johnny To suggested. One of the character said towards the ending, "At the end of the day, we have to remember it is our duty to help out another brother in uniform." Or something to this effect. It basically means that they would cover up as much as possibile when it comes to a fellow uniformed colleague.

It has been amusing weeks looking at how they will cover this big deep shit up. I never felt so good since the case of the dead detainee who was beaten up during interrogation.

The pigs will feel it.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Outcome Tax

Albert Einstein once admitted that the hardest thing to understand in this world is the income tax.

To think about it, a renowned genius having trouble to understand income tax suddenly gives me a little relief. I mean, I don't fucking understand it too, even though it is happening all around the world.

A person who squeezes his balls every other day trying to put a meal on the table is confined to even pay taxes on their income. Their hard earn money, by Mother of God knows what they have to go through every day to call that income. Most government will then basically do nothing much about it, create an equation of percentage to be cut out from your 'pie'.

And not only that, they tax you on everything. In a couple centuries or so, I have a feeling that they will also weigh the shit that you shit out eating the shit they ate and shit out, and come out with something bizarre yet recognizably cruel.

But knowing how far they would actually think of something, they will probably name it outcome tax.

Friday, December 09, 2005

Rant and R.age

Lately The Star had came out with a new section with focuses on college students. As you all might know, they call it R.age featuring everything that might interest the people in the mentioned category. Or perhaps even some goldfish mongers too. What is the best place for goldfish mongers to take in new goldfish? Go figure.

Though that is not the point.

The R.age team also introduced a blog portal for people to rant and voice out their opinions. Then again, do you think people will really voice out opinion if they have to go through the editors first. Will people ever freely rant if their identity is known? Yes, of course they will if they don't worry about getting pick up in a blue Land Rover or having private visit from the blood sucking pigs we call police.

The sooner your anonymous identity is busted, the sooner you find yourself writing more to suit the majority. The worst is you don't even feel like saying anything anymore.

You will end up writing about your 100th zit that burst out of your already pimply face. You will write about how you feel about rock climbing. Rock climbing? In other words, only positive things will be mentioned. The rest will be kept in the dark, forever locked in pandora's box.

If you ask me, is that a rant? I say yes it is, only when Bridgette Bardot can bend over and give herself a cunnilingus. As I am sure there are many issues they want to let it out at, but only constrained and restricted. Or a better possibility of being taken of by certain editors, who thinks they are holier than thou, and they rather not poke the authorities.

But then again, rant is supposed to be freely written down. It's almost like a way to vent out something. A spade is a spade. And my fart smell like Strawberry Meringue.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Blasphemy E-mails and the Zealots

Everybody receive emails at least one a day. Some receive personal messages, some formal and some usually are the forwarded blasphemies. Blasphemy is quite annoying, especially when you see human badmouthing people's religion.

For instance, even though I hate all these, I was always sent one from a friend. The people who circulated these emails are people working in all sort of organizations and with high post too, some of them. I guess with all the educations they are getting could not get their brain to rationalize at a better rate. Here goes an example of one email below:-

"perkataan 'BYE' merupakan jarum sulit org kristian...di dlm bahasa Arab b'maksud "fi hafzil baba" manakala dlm bahasa Malaysia b'maksud di bwh naungan pope (paderi). jd foward dan sebarkan kepada semua shbt2 anda.semoga Allah memberi rahmat kpd kita dan org lain. Wassalam.Wallahualam..."

I do not know whether this makes sense to you, but it's just a fucking English word for God sake.

There are more of this where it came from. Mails saying Cadbury chocolates are processed with lards. Toys are Satan's advocate. In fact this is from big group of people including government staffs.

With them secretly condemning other races and religions, now how do you think we will ever achieve unity, let alone peace?

Each time I read these mails, I would either shake my head in disbelief or laugh my ass out. Such blasphemy.

So are you guilty of badmouthing without real fact too? Stop it now before it consume the slightest humanity in you. You fucking morons.

Monday, December 05, 2005

ASEAN Summit

Lord Vendetta has already posted about the intention of Al-Qaida branch in Jakarta, but I am sure people will be wondering what would be the perfect target or the perfect time for execution. If the vermins are brave enough, they would go right in the heart and attack major hotels which would host a few big shots separated all around Klang Valley. If they are indeed the coward they already are, they would possibly attack the places with most people right in between the Summit.

The 9th ASEAN Summit was held at Bali in 2003. Go figure.

With great pleasure from us, the Vendettas, we would urge people to be extra careful on those said period. Look around you. Open up your eyes. If possible, avoid items that are left behind on it's own. Check suspicious parked cars.

About the people or the suicide bombers, there are policemen all around town briefing about it's security phase. Let's hope they are doing their job well.

Then again, life and death are already destined.

Friday, December 02, 2005

Sweet Revenge With Peanut Butter

Today, I smeared my whole body with peanut butter and invited him to lick me clean. He knew what my ulterior motive was, and so he did.

I guess he couldn't resist this deadly temptation, even though he is allergic to peanut butter, very badly.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Can I Have A Larger Slice Of The Pie, Please?

As soon as my age turn 15 -- and the fact that my father had pass away -- I soon become a wanderer. Of course I am not talking about the magical Dungeons and Dragons wanderer type, as I am sure the only thing I know about magic wands is to jerk it. I am talking about being less at home and constantly roaming outside the house door trying to find excitement.

Maybe every kid on earth feels the same way too.

The more you stay outside and being without a guardian, the more possibility of you either committing something unlawful, or you are being suspected for doing it. The logic is adults will always blame the neighbourhood kid if something goes wrong.

"Yesterday someone took the dustbin and flipped it upside down." said the fish monger. "Now I have to arrange it back in order."

The listening bystander would usually reply, "Ah, must be those kids ler. Always roaming around. Had nothing better to do."

It is not a fact but it's a norm.

So creating this whole scenario, who do you think the police would stop when they are patrolling?

Yes, the hood rats. We are always stopped for no reason. We are body searched or being thrown questions at. In fact we go to police station for a chat more than we actually go to temple to pray.

What is this all about? I thought since we are at heat with the word 'corruption', I might as well try to say out why it does happen? A speculation due to real life examples, never meaning to be downgrading anyone.

It was the 90s and do you know how much a police constable earn for a month? No you all guessed it wrong. They who walk out in the street, patrolling at odd hours trying to make a living but might be put upfront when there's danger, earn less than a clerk sitting down in an air-conditioned office doing basically nothing. One police constable told me he earn only about RM400 a month. He also told me that without a little help from small 'contributions' from the citizen, how do you think he would feed his family.

During earlier years, I am privileged to travel to Hong Kong. I also learnt that their police constable who REALLY patrol the street on foot earns about HKD9000 (RM4500 at the rate then.)

No, this is not that much of a comparison made. You don't have to lose sleep over it. You don't have to think that I am making a greener grass at the other side statement.

Maybe what one gwailo said was right. Maybe our police force is really underpaid. To hell to better training, because it has been tarnished already for too long.

Indeed, they have been somehow trained to have a larger slice of the pie. Most probably not by the system, but the people who are in the system.

Then again, thanks for wasting your time reading this.